Have you ever felt resistance in your work?
When everything feels like you’re pushing through. And then when you finally finish something, you know it’s not your best work, yet there’s no expansion, no innovation, no creativity left to give, so you settle.
Writing that feels revealing for me today.
Admitting that I’ve been settling for less than my best.
Admitting that I’ve been settling for less than my best.
Welcome to my world for the past 58 days (and counting).
I love my work. Most days, it doesn’t feel like “work” as society describes it. It feels like purpose-driven, intentional action that empowers leaders to be their absolute best and push their edges.
- I take complicated principles, theories, and scientific studies and simplify them.
- I engage people in a way that’s approachable, fun, and charismatic.
- I create relatable stories that compel others to take action in their life and leadership.
- I help people recognize their gifts and greatness, and step into meaningful action from that place.
- I lead a team of experts to use their gifts at the highest level to make a significant impact in the lives of others.
In the end, it’s all about raising the bar so freaking high while reaching down to lift others up. The ones who say, “Yes, I want to be the one.” Together, we’re creating a massive wave of kindness, curiosity, and compassion to access true peak performance.
I measure my personal work success by one key metric:
Am I doing work that I love, with people that I really like, who are also doing work they love, and together, are we making a significant impact on the lives of leaders?
Hands down, the answer is yes. Overwhelmingly, yes.
Later today, we’re meeting with a leadership team to prep and plan for an upcoming offsite. I know I’ll leave this meeting on a high, hitting our success metric yet again. I’m proud of this. Deeply appreciative of our team. So grateful for the opportunities we’ve been blessed with.
And yet in my individual work, I’ve been experiencing a deep resistance.
It’s not that I can’t do the work; it’s more that the work lacks resonance.
What is “resonance”?
If you’re unfamiliar with the term resonance, I describe it as being so immersed in something that you lose track of time. Your thoughts aren’t in the future or the past; you’re not even really thinking. You’re aligned. The work flows through you.
Research supports this.
- In The Role of Resonance in Performance Excellence and Life Engagement, Doug Newburg and colleagues found that high-caliber performers repeatedly return to their “dream” (how they want to feel) and engage in preparation that aligns their internal self with the external environment. They label this cycle “resonance.”
- Other recent studies show that resonant leadership, where leaders tune into their own emotions and those of their teams, significantly improves creative performance, trust, and job satisfaction.
Why “how you feel” matters for peak performance.
- The science is clear: when individuals experience alignment between their values, emotional state, and context, the outcome isn’t just better performance, innovation, flow, and sustained impact.
- One study of leadership in educational settings found that resonant leaders engage in mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and empathy, and these capacities shape culture, trust, and performance outcomes.
What this looked like for me.
Earlier this week I journaled about the past two months: when I was fully captive by resonance. The answers came quickly:
- Speaking on stages. I spend hours preparing. But when go-time comes, I say a simple prayer: “Less of me and more of You.” I trust my prep and expertise will be met with spiritual guidance. And it flows.
- Walking in South Beach. On average, three miles a day, but at least twice or three times a week it’s more like five or six miles. I walk because I want to, not because I have to. Moving my body, plus being in nature, empties my mind and fills my soul more than anything.
- Getting lost in a book. I’ve always been a reader, growing up with 2-3 books at once. Today is no different. I love the feeling of dropping into a good story.
- Experiencing something new, like a physical challenge or adventure. Creating new neural pathways in my brain and fully focusing on what is in front of me.
After writing this, it became very clear: the feelings tied to them were more important than the activities themselves. Wonder. Curiosity. Being unrushed. Connected. Novelty.
Feelings are my through-line for resonance.
I’ve had over three decades of results-only living and working. The feelings I listed are not new to me, they’re simply a reminder that without them, I cannot access resonance. I miss my flow. My focus is torn. But when I nurture them, the access to resonance is granted with ease.
As I’m writing this today, I can feel it a bit, the resonance. I’m not overthinking. I’m not allowing busywork to distract me. If the sentence stops, I pause. Breathe. Sip my decaf coffee. Watch the world around me.
Accepting what is.
After years of “pushing through,” I know that what I resist will persist, so it’s best to accept it and pause. There’s so much power in a pause.
And this afternoon, when I finally paused, the writing began to flow. I didn’t set out to write; I set out to be. To listen. To witness the world around me. To ask for guidance.
And there it is, plain and simple:
When you are white-knuckling and pushing through, take the time to stop. To breathe. To accept what is. To pause.
I’ll leave you with these three quotes to consider today and one question:
Where are you “pushing through” or white-knuckling in your life or your leadership?
Maybe it’s time to stop overthinking it all.
Maybe it’s time to uncover the feelings you feel when you’re accessing resonance.
Maybe it’s time for a pause.
“No word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.” — Mark Twain
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor Frankl
“Sometimes what you want is right in front of you. All you have to do is open your eyes and see it.” — Meg Cabot
Share in the comments or email me at hello@carmenohling.com if you want to chat about accessing your resonance. I’m all ears!