How Leaders Can Shift From Withholding to Speaking With Candor

How Leaders Can Shift From Withholding to Speaking With Candor

In this final quarter of 2024, we’ve seen a growing trend of overall energy depletion in many of our executive coaching sessions.  And we’ve tied it back to one major issue – withholding. 
 
Withholding can be defined as refraining from revealing everything to all relevant parties.  With the “everything” being facts, thoughts, beliefs, judgments, feelings, and sensations.  What we’ve found is that most leaders practice what we like to refer to as “selective candor.”  
 
At any time, as leaders, we are choosing to either reveal or conceal.  Choosing to conceal and withhold depletes your energy as a leader and disconnects you from others.
 
This is an issue because any great leader knows that their two most valuable resources are their energetic capacity (intellectually, physically, mentally, spiritually, or relationally) and their engaged relationships.
 
The Hendricks Institute developed a model that we share often with our clients: 
Withhold > Withdrawal > Project
Reveal > Connect > Own
 
As leaders, if withholding causes our energy to be depleted and our relationships to suffer, why are we choosing so often to withhold? 
 
The main reasons we withhold: 
  1. Avoid conflict 
  2. Avoid hurt feelings 
  3. Believe it’s a waste of our breath (it wouldn’t do good anyway) 
  4. Nobody else talks about it, so I shouldn’t either 
How do we begin the process of being revealed vs concealed in our lives and businesses? 
 
It comes down to three parts: truthfulness, openness, and self-awareness.
 

To start speaking with candor in the workplace and shift from withholding to revealing, CEOs and leaders can take the following steps inspired by The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership and the work of the Hendricks Institute: 

 

  1. Cultivate Self-Awareness
    • Begin by noticing what you are withholding. Pay attention to your body and emotions—tightness in your chest or a sense of unease often signals withheld thoughts or feelings.
    • Identify your reasons for withholding. Are you avoiding conflict, fearing judgment, or assuming others won’t care?
  2. Commit to Truthfulness
    • Practice revealing facts, thoughts, and feelings with clarity and honesty.
    • Avoid sugar-coating or dramatizing; stick to simple, accurate expressions of what is true for you in the moment.
  3. Create a Safe Space for Openness
    • Model vulnerability and candor yourself. When leaders speak openly, they encourage their teams to do the same.
    • Set the intention for conversations to be productive and connection-driven rather than adversarial.
  4. Use “Impeccable Agreements”
    • Make clear agreements about how information will be shared and received in your team or organization.
    • Emphasize that candor is a tool for growth, not criticism, and establish practices to reinforce this culture.
  5. Acknowledge and Own Projections
    • Recognize when you’re projecting your beliefs, assumptions, or fears onto others instead of revealing your own truth.
    • Reframe judgment as curiosity and seek to understand others’ perspectives.
  6. Practice Small “Reveals” First
    • Start with lower-stakes situations to build the muscle of candor.
    • Reflect on the outcomes—how your energy shifts and relationships deepen when you are honest.
  7. Give and Seek Feedback
    • Actively request feedback about your candor and how it impacts the workplace culture.
    • Share your experiences of withholding and revealing to encourage team reflection and alignment.
Speaking with candor isn’t just about being transparent—it’s about cultivating a culture of trust and connection that energizes everyone involved. Leaders, as we close out 2024, let’s commit to fostering workplaces where truth fuels growth, and relationships thrive.
 
What steps are you taking to cultivate a culture of openness in your organization?  Let’s discuss below!
Why Stillness and Reflection Are Crucial for High-Performing Leaders

Why Stillness and Reflection Are Crucial for High-Performing Leaders

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

It’s the holiday season, which prompts so many people to fill their calendars and attempt to do it all…. Can you relate?

This season of “busy” is the inspiration for this blog….

I recently heard someone say, “Show me the ways you avoid stillness, and I’ll show you the patterns that run your life.” 

That phrase has stayed with me, urging me to examine my own defaults—whether it’s throwing myself into work, tackling endless projects, or even organizing and cleaning. None of these activities are inherently bad, but they can become distractions when used to avoid stillness and reflection.

What I’ve been realizing is that stillness isn’t just about physically stopping; it’s about creating inner spaciousness. You can move through life with external activity while maintaining an inner sense of stillness, or you can be outwardly motionless yet internally consumed by chaos and avoidance. The intention behind your actions is what truly matters.

For leaders, executives, and entrepreneurs, embracing stillness and reflection is not optional—it’s essential for high performance.

Here are some reasons why, along with the challenges that arise when stillness is neglected:

 

Why Stillness and Reflection Are Crucial for High-Performing Leaders

  1. Clarity in Decision-Making
    • Reflection allows leaders to cut through the noise and make better, more informed decisions.
    • When we don’t pause, we risk making reactive, short-sighted choices driven by stress or urgency rather than strategy.
  2. Renewed Creativity and Problem-Solving
    • Creativity thrives in spaciousness. Many breakthrough ideas emerge in moments of stillness, not during frantic work.
    • Without stillness, innovation stalls, and we stay stuck in old patterns of thinking.
  3. Emotional Awareness
    • Stillness provides space to notice and process emotions rather than being controlled by them.
    • Leaders who avoid reflection often experience burnout, frustration, or even conflict because they lack the emotional awareness that comes from slowing down.
  4. Connection to Purpose
    • In the constant hustle, it’s easy to lose sight of why we’re doing what we do. Reflection anchors us to our core mission and values.
    • Without this connection, leaders often feel unfulfilled, no matter how much they achieve.
  5. Healthier Relationships
    • Stillness fosters self-awareness, helping leaders show up meaningfully in their relationships.
    • Avoidance patterns often lead to strained communication or disconnection from teams, partners, and loved ones.
  6. Sustainability of Energy
    • Overworking without reflection depletes energy reserves and makes recovery harder.
    • Leaders who prioritize stillness cultivate resilience and avoid long-term burnout.

Challenges of Avoiding Stillness

  1. Perpetual Busyness as a Badge of Honor
    • Many leaders mistake busyness for productivity, staying trapped in a cycle of overwork that limits their true potential.
  2. Missed Opportunities for Growth
    • Without reflection, we don’t see where we’re stuck or where we need to grow. Blind spots remain hidden, often at great cost.
  3. Living in Reaction Mode
    • Avoiding stillness keeps us in survival mode, constantly reacting instead of proactively leading.
  4. Compromised Well-Being
    • Chronic avoidance of reflection often leads to stress-related health issues, including exhaustion, anxiety, or even physical illness.
  5. Disconnect from the Bigger Picture
    • Leaders who never slow down can become consumed by the day-to-day grind, losing perspective on the broader vision.

How to Incorporate Stillness into Leadership

  • Micro-Moments of Pause: Start with small practices—like a few deep breaths before meetings or a quiet walk without your phone.
  • Journaling: Set aside time to write about your challenges, wins, and lessons learned. This can clarify patterns and uncover hidden insights.
  • Intentional Rest: Schedule blocks of unstructured time in your calendar—not for tasks, but for reflection or simply being.
  • Mindful Action: Engage in activities with full attention, turning routine moments into opportunities for stillness.
  • Seek Feedback: Sometimes, others can reflect patterns you may not notice. Trusted colleagues or coaches can provide this perspective.

 

Did this week’s blog resonate with you?   Comment below and let me know how you’re going to incorporate moments of stillness in your life and work.

 

The Only Certainty in Life… and 4 Simple Steps to Embrace Uncertainty

The Only Certainty in Life… and 4 Simple Steps to Embrace Uncertainty

An October 2019 study about the Psychology of (Un) Certainty found this: 
 
People strive for certainty due to an inherent desire for it. Uncertainty seems to be stressful in the same unconscious manner as anger and fear. We cannot really control this feeling, and we feel relaxed only when we feel certain about what we know or about what we should anticipate. However, our world is filled with uncertainty, and so are most aspects of our life. Therefore, instead of looking for certainty where it does not exist, we had better learn to appreciate uncertainty and learn to live and deal with it.
 
Although it is elusive, we still seek certainty and control in multiple aspects of our lives and businesses.  We put off pursuing meaningful relationships, making bold career moves, or acting on the ideas that genuinely excite us. In our quest for control, we can end up sacrificing growth and fulfillment, putting our dreams on hold while we wait for clarity that might never come.
 
One thing is certain: Death. 
 
If death is the only certainty in life, why are we choosing to live like we have all the time in the world? 
 
Why are we not going after our dreams, having the conversation, making the difficult decisions, letting go, starting something new, having more fun, spending meaningful time with loved ones, or checking that next challenge off your bucket list?
 
Because we are doing this one thing: Waiting.
 
As busy, successful leaders, we often find ourselves waiting—waiting for the perfect time, the right conditions, or that signal telling us it’s finally safe to make a move. We wait for more data, for the market to settle, for just a few more resources, or for things to feel a little less chaotic or uncertain.
 
For many of us, waiting feels like the “responsible choice,” a way to manage risks and protect everything we’ve worked so hard to achieve. But this waiting, rooted in our need for certainty, quietly holds us back.
 
What if, instead of waiting, we embraced the unpredictable and leaned into the unknown?
 
Let’s put this into facts and numbers.
 
The average life expectancy of a man in the U.S. is 74.8 years, while the life expectancy for a woman is 80.2 years. 
 
Today I am 43 years old, which means if I lived to the average life expectancy of 80 years old, I only have 37 more years to go.  How many years do you have left?
 
But, what if I also told you that 5% of men in the US die before the age of 45, and 3% of women die before the age of 45.  Which is the death of approximately 17 million men and 10 million women….. 
 
… and you could be one of them.  I could be one of them.  We could all be one of them… 
 
and this is CERTAIN. 
 
Like many, I spent much of my life and career driven by the need for certainty and control. Before attending an event, I’d want to know who would be there, how long it would last, and what we’d be doing.
 
At work, before taking on a new project, I’d look for detailed information in advance so I could either prepare or even avoid areas where I felt less confident.
 
This craving for certainty kept me constantly on edge—always planning and preparing for the future, which made it nearly impossible to relax and enjoy the present moment. 
 
Why did I live this way for so long? 
 
Today, the reasons are crystal clear, and they boil down to two key factors: 
  1. I wanted to feel in control.  Even if it was an illusion, this sense of control gave me a comforting level of predictability in both my personal and professional life.
  2. I was deeply concerned with how others perceived me. I wanted to be accepted, appreciated, and acknowledged—in short, I wanted to be liked by everyone.
This mix of seeking comfort and maintaining a certain appearance trapped me in a cycle of never feeling “good enough.” It led to constant stress, pressure, overwhelm, and a sense of scarcity. I found myself comparing, judging, and always striving to live up to an unattainable standard. 
 
To break free from the need for control and certainty, here are four small, daily steps you can take to embrace uncertainty, step out of your comfort zone, and use your unique gifts to pursue a more fulfilling life: 
 
1. Practice Letting Go 
Identify one small area each day where you can relinquish control—whether it’s delegating a task, letting a meeting go slightly off-script, or accepting that you might not know every detail in advance. This builds resilience and comfort with unpredictability, allowing you to move away from perfectionism and into purpose.  Then, “collect evidence” that letting go actually proves to be better than white-knuckling your life.
 
2. Reflect on the “Why” Behind Your Actions
Before making decisions, pause and ask yourself if you’re acting out of a desire for control, fear of judgment, or simply habit. This self-awareness can help you prioritize genuine growth and purpose over merely maintaining appearances or following societal expectations.
 
3. Set One Bold, Uncomfortable Goal 
Each day, set a small goal that feels a bit out of your comfort zone. This could be starting a meaningful conversation, embracing a new opportunity, or working on a skill you’ve always wanted to master. Taking these steps can help you break free from self-imposed limitations and live in alignment with the gifts and passions placed inside you.
 
4. Appreciate the Present Moment 
Regularly remind yourself that life is limited, and uncertainty is the norm. Embracing this reality allows you to focus on using your God-given talents and pursuing what truly matters. When we let go of control, we make space for inspiration and growth, honoring the unique gifts placed within us.
 
The greatest disservice you can do is to ignore these gifts, staying confined within a life of comfort, societal norms, pressure, and unfulfillment. 
 
By choosing to fully embrace who you are and stepping into your potential, you honor both yourself and the purpose you were created for.  
 
Remember, death is the only certainty we have—so why not spend your time truly living? 
 
Did you relate to this week’s newsletter?  Comment down and let me know! 

– Executive Coaching is our zone of genius at The Amplified Life Company –

Set up a free consultation HERE to learn more about how we can help guide 

you in your personal and professional life.

This Is Often the Only Thing Preventing You from Learning

This Is Often the Only Thing Preventing You from Learning

In many cases, you’ll find the only thing preventing you from learning is your ego.
 
No one enjoys feeling foolish, but attempting something new requires that you climb down from your perch and struggle as a beginner. You must ask questions that reveal your ignorance or attempt skills that make you look uncoordinated.
 
Learning demands the willingness to live in a brief state of discomfort. You must believe that looking like a fool for an hour will not ruin your reputation for life.”
 
– James Clear

 

FACT: Most people don’t ask questions; they pretend like they know things.
 
WHY:  Because they think if they ask questions, they look dumb.
 
TRUTH: The better the question, the better the result.
 
I get it—I’ve been there. For years, I believed that success meant showing up with all the answers. I’d spend late nights researching and memorizing, hoping that I could seem like the “expert” the next day, even though I felt I wasn’t.
 
This desire to appear knowledgeable was my internal need to gain approval and acceptance, which kept me stuck.
 
I said “yes” only to opportunities I knew I’d succeed in, staying in my comfort zone. My world was small because I only engaged in spaces where I felt safe.
 
The truth is, the most growth doesn’t come from knowing everything; it comes from being open enough to ask, “What don’t I know here?”  “What can others teach me?”  or “What am I learning from this?” even in the face of a perceived failure.
 
Once I started to let go of that need to appear fully in control of knowing it all, I opened myself up to powerful insights that would’ve otherwise stayed hidden.
 
I began seeking out rooms with people who had knowledge, experience, and perspectives beyond my own. These were spaces where I wasn’t the one “in charge” but the one asking questions, listening deeply, and gaining insights that would change the way I worked and lived.
 
In these rooms, I learned that power isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about being in the right places, with the right people, and absorbing as much as possible.
 
The humility of not knowing everything opened doors I hadn’t even considered before.
 
People wanted to work with me because I was willing to say, “I don’t have all the answers—what can we come up with together?”
 
I saw that asking genuine questions was a strength, not a weakness. Through listening, I gained the insights and tools that a formal education, or no amount of late-night cramming could’ve provided.
 
Today, because I embraced the power of asking, listening, and connecting, I’ve achieved things I once only dreamed of.
 
I’ve built a thriving business, stood on stages sharing my story, led high-performing teams, and connected with some of the best minds in my industry.
 
All of this was possible not because I knew everything but because I was willing to step into rooms where I didn’t have to.
 
By letting go of the need to be the “smartest in the room,” I’ve been able to grow, succeed, and help others do the same in ways I never could have alone.
 

There’s a second part to this breakthrough in my journey, and I’ll share it and teach it to you in next week’s blog.

But, until then, will you join me in “not being a know-it-all all” and step into a life of growth, connection, fulfillment, and fun?

 
Comment below and share your thoughts, because I have an invitation for you if you’re ready to join me!

The Moment That Changed My Life: My Journey of Curiosity

The Moment That Changed My Life: My Journey of Curiosity

I remember the day I realized that through all my striving, achieving, goal setting, and planning, I was still deeply unfulfilled. 
 
Specifically, it was November 2003, and I was sitting in my Tahoe before kicking off the day with a team sales meeting, drinking my Americano, and planning the day out for my team and me. It wasn’t unusual for me to arrive early because I liked to beat traffic, and even more, I was always prepared. I prided myself on running some of the most impactful sales meetings, leaving the team energized and focused.
 
At this point in my 15-year corporate leadership career, I was running the number two revenue-producing cost center in the state of Oregon, helping to hire and train my peers through our management training program, and was counted on as an integral part of the regional team. I was highly respected, and my annual bonus was approaching the point where it would exceed my salary—something that’s a great sign if you work for a “pay-for-performance” organization.
 
But on this crisp fall day in Portland, Oregon, something different happened. I began to cry. 
 
At this point in my life, I was all execution. I viewed crying as a sign of weakness, not something I did in front of others. I allowed myself to cry for a few minutes, mostly because I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. I had worked so hard for so long to not feel—to be the one that was strong, that could make it through anything—but in this moment, I felt weak. 
 
I’d love to tell you that all the answers came to me that morning, but they didn’t. Honestly, I sucked it up and went on with my day. But when I went home that night, I told my husband Joal what had happened. And you know what he did? He asked me one question that would change the rest of my personal and professional life. 
 
He asked me, “What’s wrong?”
 
For the first time in my life, I said, “I don’t know…”
 
You see, I always had a plan. I was always prepared. I controlled all the variables. I said yes to things I knew I’d excel at. My career and way of being were my identity.
 
But the most powerful part of that question wasn’t just admitting I didn’t know. It was the second half of my answer: “… but I am going to find out!”
 
And that, my friends, was the beginning of my journey of curiosity. I began asking myself deeper questions and, perhaps for the first time, answering them truthfully. The moment I realized I didn’t need to have all the answers, something shifted inside me forever. 
 
Curiosity can be simply defined as a strong desire to discover something unknown. And if you can build this character trait in your life, so many dynamic opportunities, meaningful relationships, health, joy, and fulfillment will open to you
 
Albert Einstein famously said, “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing… It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day.” 
 
So today, I invite you to start—or maybe continue—your journey of curiosity with me. A good place to begin is with what you know for sure—the routines, the habits, the ideas, actions, places, or people you hold so tightly because they make you feel comfortable. Start asking questions there.
 
Below are a few of my favorite questions to ask when I feel that creeping sense of “nothing is necessarily wrong, but somehow nothing is right either”
 
  • What else could be possible in this situation?
  • What am I holding onto that no longer serves me?
  • If I didn’t have to control the outcome, what new opportunities could emerge?
  • Who can I reach out to for a fresh perspective or deeper connection?
 
Curiosity unlocks possibilities and clears the path toward greater meaning in our lives. 
 
Are you ready to embrace it? 
 
Let’s start discovering together.

STOP TRYING TO DO IT ALL AND BE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE!

Are you finally ready to let go of doing it all, feeling overwhelmed and not finding joy in your life? I remember the day I said “no more” and  I let it all go!  I’ve created this guide with 3 simple steps for you to get started and find more joy in your everyday life and way less stress!

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