Society talks a lot about this idea of work-life balance.  To me, there is no such thing as balance, but there is integration.  Integration of your deepest priorities in this season of your life.  Ensuring you have vision, clarity, and focus on these priorities, and take the steps necessary each day to fulfill them. 

In both our workplace training, and 1-1 coaching we teach this and it’s a game-changer for so many individuals and teams.  

Two specific results we’ve seen are:

1.   Dreaming a new dream that’s not limited to what everyone around you is doing and then going all in. Renting out their home and traveling the world doing work they love as a family. Learning, growing, and exploring together.
2.   Developing team communication “agreements” that greatly reduced distractions, misunderstandings, and misguided urgency that is not an urgent matter.  Leaving the team feeling less overwhelmed, feeling more supported, and doubling their productivity.

One great example of work-life integration comes from Netflix co-founder Mark Randolph, and he writes:

I’ve worked hard, for my entire career, to keep my life balanced with my job. In my book, I write about my Tuesday date nights with my wife. For over thirty years, I had a hard cut-off on Tuesdays. Rain or shine, I left at exactly 5 pm and spent the evening with my best friend. We would go to a movie, have dinner, or just go window-shopping downtown together.

Nothing got in the way of that. No meeting, no conference call, no last-minute question or request. If you had something to say to me on Tuesday afternoon at 4:55, you had better say it on the way to the parking lot. If there is a crisis, we are going to wrap it up by 5:00.

Those Tuesday nights kept me sane. And they put the rest of my work in perspective.

I resolved a long time ago to not be one of those entrepreneurs on their 7th startup and their 7th wife. In fact, the thing I’m most proud of in my life is not the companies I started, it’s the fact that I was able to start them while staying married to the same woman; having my kids grow up knowing me and (best as I can tell) liking me, and being able to spend time pursuing the other passions in my life.

That’s my definition of success.

It seems to me that Mark is clear on his priorities: self, wife, family, work – in that order.  I am sure that the integration of these 4 things ebb and flow over the years but I am 100% obsessed with the fact that the Tuesday nights with his wife never wavered, nor did the time with his kids, or the time he takes for himself.

What is your work-life integration like?  Email me at carmen@carmenohling.com and let me know!

Here’s to designing and living lives we love,

Carmen

I read this on LinkedIn recently…

I am not sharing this because I think it’s the “right” way to define success for everyone.  I am sharing this to show the importance of designing a life you truly love and measuring your success on your own terms.

For years I made the same mistake I see so many people making, following someone else’s definition of success instead of taking the time to discern one for themselves. You see, when you are following someone else’s definition of success you will never be truly fulfilled – you will always be seeking something more.  In our coaching company, we like to coin this as, “An all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied” search for more.  Leaving you feeling less than, stressed, overworked, and resentful.

But on the flip side, more can be found when you turn the mirror on yourself and define what matters most to you, then each day unreasonably go after it without regard to external environmental pressures. 

Today, I encourage you to sit down one afternoon and create the space to decide what success looks and feels like for you.

It could be a career aspiration.

It could be way more time and presence with your family.

It could be navigating your health to optimize your energy.

It could be feeling deeply connected to God and your sense of purpose. 

Have fun with it and remember this key point– there’s no wrong answer when it comes to defining your success.

You get to choose. 

I’d love to hear what you come up with, shoot me a message and share! 

Stopping on my walk this morning in beautiful, sunny Miami Beach, I picked up a shiny copper penny. It was head-side down, so I flipped it over to view the year: 2016.

Do you stop to pick up lucky pennies? What if it’s a dime, or maybe a quarter? Or do you simply walk by without a second thought? After reading this, you’ll stop every time…

As I looked at the shiny penny in my hand, I thought back to my life in 2016. Here are a few highlights from that year as I look back:

{Tip: Look back in your journal and the photos on your phone to get your memory going.}

• Two years previously, I left my successful corporate career with JPMorgan to start my coaching company. Our intention and mission in the early years were to guide others to nourish their bodies with real food and optimize their energy and mindsets.
• Our daughter graduated from 8th grade in June and entered her freshman year of high school in the fall of 2016.
• We visited our son, who was attending Northwestern University in Evanston, IL. By the way, he graduated from there two years later with a biomedical engineering degree.
• I was very passionate about training and building my physical physique during this time, too. I competed in three bodybuilding competitions that year: one in Denver, one in Washington State, and one in LA. My highest placing that year was second. I’ve always wanted to earn an overall placing… thinking it’s never too late. What do you think?
• My bestie and I went on one of our first bestie trips (out of state) and found a “bike freeway” and a restaurant with the best ice for their drinks. Really, the ice does matter and can make or break a drink!
• I struggled with family stuff and feeling disconnected from Joal at times this year because of challenges in our lives.
• I also organized another girlfriend trip to Scottsdale that year, the first of many. Know that if you want something like that to happen, you’ll most likely have to BE THE ONE to make it happen!
• Joal and I did our annual trip to Las Vegas, but this time to celebrate our niece’s 21st birthday. They won big on craps and me on roulette.
• I spoke at the Amazing You Women’s Conference about putting yourself first and taking care of your mind, body, and spirit.
• I read the book, A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, and it changed my life. This was my first introduction to A Course In Miracles. IYKYK.
• I fully stepped into taking personal responsibility for my life, my results, my thoughts, my emotions…. For it all. You know that moment when you think, “Oh sh*t, maybe it’s me?!”
• Our family dog, Knala, was officially my-ride-or-die in 2016. I still miss her every day.
• I struggled with under-eating and over-eating after dieting for over a year for bodybuilding competitions. This took a pretty big hit on my confidence too.
• My journaling practice was key to overcoming many of my challenges this year and became a staple in my life to this day.
• I attended two in-person events alone, with the intention to make new, meaningful connections and push myself into uncomfortable situations for growth.

Today was a pretty cool day of reflection, all because of a lucky penny I found on the ground during my morning God walk. Thinking back to 2016, I feel so blessed today. I never dreamed that my life, health, relationship, and business would be at the level they are today.

I did a poll in our community this week around what we complain about most. The top things were: work colleagues, not enough time, stress and overwhelm, family members, and not enough money. It made me think of a quote I heard at an event by Jasmine Star: “The things you are complaining about today are the things that you once prayed for.” LET THAT SINK IN.

Each day, life is ready to present us with blessings and miracles; we simply must be open to receive them. So, next time you see that penny on the ground, I hope you pick it up. I hope it causes you to reflect. I hope that it brings you to a place of deep appreciation and gratitude for your life. I hope it inspires you to keep going.

Sending you love and high vibes!

I am sitting outside just after 1 pm in the afternoon on a Monday in Miami Beach.  The afternoon is humid and hot, but I am in the shade and there’s a breeze, so I am enjoying the time outside today.  As I sit I am reading and come across this statement from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, and it prompted me to write.  Here’s the affirmation:

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”

I could feel this deep in my heart and a full-body agreement with this affirmation, and then I said this next profound statement out loud to myself:

“And as soon as you believe in yourself, you’ll know the next step to take.”

Whew!  Take a few deep breaths and repeat these statements to yourself.

What do you feel?

What thoughts come up for you?

I think a lot about making sure you can feel my heart through my writing.

You know the solution I always come back to?

Trusting myself.
Believing in myself.
Trusting and knowing, believing, and writing from a place of authenticity and creativity.

What if our big leadership decisions and small daily life choices were this simple?

1. People can be guides, inspiration, or motivation for you but if you try to do it exactly like they do it you will always fall short.  You will fall short because you are measuring yourself against them, and they are not you.  Take what you learn and test it in your life, your way.  Making this small shift from “how you should do it” to “how you do it” builds trust and belief.

2. Stop second-guessing yourself.  Actually let me put that a better way: STOP SECOND GUESSING EVERYTHING.  Get it?  Ya, I see you!  How do you know I see you?  Because I was like you… Always second-guessing each of my decisions, triple-checking my work, and replaying scenarios in my head with a lens of criticism.  Ugg, it was exhausting and instead of building trust it built my “I am not good enough story” that replayed in my head.  Start small here.  Maybe you notice you’re second-guessing what you’re going to wear for the day, go back to the first decision.  Try doing this throughout the day, then collect evidence that your first choice was a great choice- and the self-trust and belief muscle builds!

3. Find a mirror and ask for feedback.  No, not a physical mirror but I am talking about someone who is just a little further ahead than you on where you want to go in this season of your life and leadership.  Ask them the below 3 questions, but when you do be ready- the feedback will be both a reflection of where you shine and where your reflection is a little dull.
a. When you think of me, what really stands out?  Where do I shine?
b. What’s the one thing you’d call me for over anyone else?
c. One of my biggest values is learning and growing.  In your opinion what area of my life and leadership would I benefit from learning and growing in next?  Why?

Repeat steps 1-3 daily and collect your evidence!

Collecting evidence means taking a pause to fully experience the moments when you feel self-trust or self-belief deeply.  Feel the feelings in your body and anchor them in with a few deep breaths.  If you’re considering skipping this part, don’t! Tying physical sensations to your experiences locks in the feeling and moment into your short-term memory.  You can then call on your short-term memory to bolster your trust and belief daily.  Again, the more you use it the more it will grow.

Lastly, I believe in you, isn’t it time you start?

When you look up and pay attention to your environment you can fully experience your life, which includes wonder, awe, and a curious disposition each day. I was traveling for most of the month of April, from Florida to Oregon, and something I saw really stood out to me…

A sign at a storage unit business read: “Don’t throw it away.  Store it instead.  50% off today!”  

This was interesting as it made me think of a conversation earlier in the day with a heart-centered man that I went to high school with in my hometown.  Joal and I were talking to him as we watched the Miami Heat game and he said, “I’d love to do what you guys have done, just pick up and go.  I have a place that I’d love to go to in Idaho and I could make double the money I make now- my wife wouldn’t even have to work. She’s more fearful though and doesn’t like change.  She’s an amazing massage therapist, but she makes so much at her current position that she doesn’t want to leave.  Plus, my job is nice, pretty chill, and low stress.”

When he referenced, “what you guys have done,” he was referring to the fact that back in 2018 Joal and I sold our home and most of our belongings and moved to Colorado Springs, Colorado.  We said we were in search of more sunshine, which If you don’t know, that area of Colorado has over 300 days of sunshine per year.  In the end, however, what we’ve discovered is that we were in search of expansion.  Expansion spirituality, personally, with our businesses, and within our relationships as well.   This expansion has brought so much freedom, joy, and a deep-rooted sense of appreciation and faith in our lives.  And it all began with one thing… addressing and releasing our attachments.

Attachments in life give us a feeling of safety and comfort.  Comfort keeps us from taking the next step, making the phone call, writing the book, starting that business, or whatever is on your heart that you keep pushing down because of your attachments.  Ultimately, the attachments that are keeping you comfortable are also keeping you from your true calling.

I am reminded of a quote that I love as I write this and that is this: “Everything is permissible, but not beneficial.”

So I encourage you to ask yourself today: How long have I been nurturing an emotional, physical, habitual, or relational attachment to a season that is no longer fruitful for me?

It’s easy to stay the same.  It’s also unfulfilling and not what we were born to do in this one precious life we have all been given.  Yet on the other hand more than we could ever ask or imagine is waiting for us on the other side of change and growth.

One more question for you to sit with this week: What am I missing out on because I am so committed to staying attached to my comforts?

We all have options and choices in life.  We can choose to stand up in our calling or we can choose to sit in our comfort.  Isn’t it time that we confront our comfort vs catering to it?  Honestly, it doesn’t matter what you’re attached to and be comforted by, it’s killing your calling. It could be a physical environment, a friend group, a type of work, alcohol, food, shopping, or a relationship that is dysfunctional but familiar so you stay… 

Walking in your discomfort, your growth, in your uncertainty will always be fruitful, and it will cost you something.  But do you know how worth it that is?

Walking in your calling will cost you your attachment and your comfort, and it’s worth every sacrifice!

My life is a living, breathing testament of releasing attachments and comfort, many of which I just listed.  And, I would not change a minute of it- even the times that felt like the biggest challenges of my life because the lessons, growth, beauty, opportunities, and faith-building on the other side have been priceless! 

After reading this, what’s your next step?  Email me and let me know, or if you’re at a crossroads and need a little guidance, email me that too.  I can be reached at carmen@carmenohling.com