In this final quarter of 2024, we’ve seen a growing trend of overall energy depletion in many of our executive coaching sessions. And we’ve tied it back to one major issue – withholding.
Withholding can be defined as refraining from revealing everything to all relevant parties. With the “everything” being facts, thoughts, beliefs, judgments, feelings, and sensations. What we’ve found is that most leaders practice what we like to refer to as “selective candor.”
At any time, as leaders, we are choosing to either reveal or conceal. Choosing to conceal and withhold depletes your energy as a leader and disconnects you from others.
This is an issue because any great leader knows that their two most valuable resources are their energetic capacity (intellectually, physically, mentally, spiritually, or relationally) and their engaged relationships.
The Hendricks Institute developed a model that we share often with our clients:
Withhold > Withdrawal > Project
Reveal > Connect > Own
As leaders, if withholding causes our energy to be depleted and our relationships to suffer, why are we choosing so often to withhold?
The main reasons we withhold:
- Avoid conflict
- Avoid hurt feelings
- Believe it’s a waste of our breath (it wouldn’t do good anyway)
- Nobody else talks about it, so I shouldn’t either
How do we begin the process of being revealed vs concealed in our lives and businesses?
It comes down to three parts: truthfulness, openness, and self-awareness.
To start speaking with candor in the workplace and shift from withholding to revealing, CEOs and leaders can take the following steps inspired by The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership and the work of the Hendricks Institute:
- Cultivate Self-Awareness
- Begin by noticing what you are withholding. Pay attention to your body and emotions—tightness in your chest or a sense of unease often signals withheld thoughts or feelings.
- Identify your reasons for withholding. Are you avoiding conflict, fearing judgment, or assuming others won’t care?
- Commit to Truthfulness
- Practice revealing facts, thoughts, and feelings with clarity and honesty.
- Avoid sugar-coating or dramatizing; stick to simple, accurate expressions of what is true for you in the moment.
- Create a Safe Space for Openness
- Model vulnerability and candor yourself. When leaders speak openly, they encourage their teams to do the same.
- Set the intention for conversations to be productive and connection-driven rather than adversarial.
- Use “Impeccable Agreements”
- Make clear agreements about how information will be shared and received in your team or organization.
- Emphasize that candor is a tool for growth, not criticism, and establish practices to reinforce this culture.
- Acknowledge and Own Projections
- Recognize when you’re projecting your beliefs, assumptions, or fears onto others instead of revealing your own truth.
- Reframe judgment as curiosity and seek to understand others’ perspectives.
- Practice Small “Reveals” First
- Start with lower-stakes situations to build the muscle of candor.
- Reflect on the outcomes—how your energy shifts and relationships deepen when you are honest.
- Give and Seek Feedback
- Actively request feedback about your candor and how it impacts the workplace culture.
- Share your experiences of withholding and revealing to encourage team reflection and alignment.
Speaking with candor isn’t just about being transparent—it’s about cultivating a culture of trust and connection that energizes everyone involved. Leaders, as we close out 2024, let’s commit to fostering workplaces where truth fuels growth, and relationships thrive.
What steps are you taking to cultivate a culture of openness in your organization? Let’s discuss below!
